Kids Aren't Convenient

If you are a parent, you probably already know this. 

I, however, am not a parent. Granted, I knew that children just don't come wrapped in packages wielding magnificent promises such as, "Simple" and "Stress-Free."

And yet, I had hope as a new teacher.

After my first year of teaching, I discovered that no amount of streamlining and planning on my part could account for the vast array of surprises and sometimes challenges that present themselves throughout the day. This was because of the very unpredictable factor known as children.

Here are some examples: 

Have you ever had to make a quick beeline for some supply across the room? You've charted your exact steps and mentally accounted for the approximate time it will take you to obtain said supply, but unknown factors occur! A child suddenly hops into your path out of what seems like nowhere! What are they thinking?! Do the children not consider the teacher's ease and convenience level at all times? 

Or when the children randomly fall out of their chairs. I'll scold if they're trying to balance precariously on three chair legs, but at indiscriminate times of the day, some of them will fall out of their chairs even with all of the four chair legs planted firmly on the ground. It mystifies me completely. In those instances, I've stopped cooing, "Aww, are you okay??" (a rookie teacher reaction) and instead, I've adopted a blank stare as if to say, "Even science cannot explain what just happened."

And then there are the odd things children say throughout the day. Don't get me wrong, sometimes this alone is one of my favorite parts of teaching because of the amusement and whimsy, but at other times, it's just plain inconvenient. For instance, imagine if you will, that there are about eight more minutes that you have with a small group reading a story together. The story is about ocean wildlife. One of the students makes a comment about how the ocean animal reminds him of a certain animal in the movie "Jurassic World," and then he launches into a detailed synopsis of said film. A bead of sweat forms on your brow and slowly rolls down your face as you alternate glances at the clock and glances at said student trying to feign interest. You are committed to letting students express their connections and enjoy the literature, but then again, you are only on the third page. 

The dilemmas of teaching first graders abound. 

Other situations that have occurred include: students tying their shoes together in impossible knots*, picking scabs just for the fun of it**, cupcakes flipping icing-first onto the carpet, whole water bottles spilling, students accidentally tipping over your coffee, and peeing in pants right before you take your class outside for a picnic.

*A note about shoelaces: I've only had two students so far in my two years of teaching that tied their own shoes together. It's greatly inconvenient, I can tell you that. But I do have a solution when it comes to shoe-tying in general. At the beginning of my first year, I thought it was my teaching responsibility to tie all the shoes. But that resulted in me being hunched over more than I would have liked, instead of being able to watch/teach the other 17 kiddos. From the advice of other teachers, I developed an attitude that seemed to be callous and uncaring at first, but really benefits us all: Have another student tie the shoes. It really saves a lot heartache.

**A note about picking scabs: I remember enjoying this activity as a kid. I remember how itchy scabs feel, and you just want them to go away, so you pick them. I get it. But I also can't spend 1/3 of the school day slapping fresh Band-Aids on people. So, I just happened to have some "Frozen"-themed Band Aids donated to the classroom at the beginning of the year. I give the boys all "Frozen" Band-Aids, and the scab-picking doesn't really happen anymore. If there's a boy who admits to liking "Frozen"... well, I'm out ideas. But it really is a fun solution!

So, that's my experience. I think the people who make the "rules" about education need to know what a typical day in the classroom looks like. Thankfully, I'm at a school that allows for some freedom if we veer a couple minutes off schedule or if our discussions deviate away from a standard and into something the children are actually interested in. Woo!

Just gaze upon this inconvenience. They were told to find pictures of things they "like" in magazines and make a collage on their journal covers. Apparently, this student enjoys plush airline seating and creepy, Halloween-themed snacks.